Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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