I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
