you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
