Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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