I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
