I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
