wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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