He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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