I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
