I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Someone shit on the floor
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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