yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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