He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
