Have you finally orgasmed yet?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I looked at my own cervix.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
