please come you make the beer taste better
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
