Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
