He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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