i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
