well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
