it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
