Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
