I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
