24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
