Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
