Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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