I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
