My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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