OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
