I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
