'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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