No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
