last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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