They should really pass out barf bags in church
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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