I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
