I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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