So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize