just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
