Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
