if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
