Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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