Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
