He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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