I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
