yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
