hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i barfeds in our rink
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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