oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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