Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
