What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hippo gnu deer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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