Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
