Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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