I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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