if you like me you must not know who I am
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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