We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
