Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
