Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
