Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
