On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
