I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
