You're my little dorito
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
