Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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