nut hugger
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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