we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
