i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
