So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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