i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
