Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
