So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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