I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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