omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
