in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
