Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
