New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
