So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We got so high we made milksteak
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
