we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
