I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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