everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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