Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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