something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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