you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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