i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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