if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
