I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
