are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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