It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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