HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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