I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize