so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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