Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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